Longings of the Heart
Lately I have felt this disconnect. It’s like I am grieving the loss of something that I have never had. I deeply desire to be married someday, yet I am content with where I am and being single at the moment.
Day to day I feel fine being simply me. It’s not a huge struggle, but just when I think I’m okay I go to a wedding, or someone says something to “make me feel better about my singleness” when I was really okay to begin with and that statement made me feel like there was something wrong with me.
I don’t understand the complexities of female emotion. I don’t understand the paradox that is my heart. I will never understand the longings mixed with the fears and doubts. For now I feel as though a part of my heart is desiring and going unfulfilled for a reason.
Yesterday I felt as though I would never feel that void filled in the way that I currently want. It stung. Clinging to the unchanging is all I have.
