Running in the Endless Frontier.
suppose I should explain where the blog name comes from. What I will attempt to write is the condensed version. I doubt it will come out in a way that seems condensed though.
Most of my life I have been content with where I am. It’s been easy to get comfortable with the flow and not make any waves. In recent months I have experienced something completely different. It’s been almost the exact opposite. It’s a stirring, unsettled restlessness that I can only describe as a prodding from the Holy Spirit toward something more.
I have had a relationship with Jesus Christ for most of my life, but this is a new and different feeling. It’s a call to trust with a radical and and seemingly illogical abandon. As I was contemplating how to put into words what I was experiencing, a dear friend of mine told me about a podcast series that I needed to listen to.
I started listening to the podcast on my way home from work and I was floored. I was hearing someone else explain my heart better than I could. Eric Ludy put into words what God was challenging my heart with. What God is calling me to is to take steps into His Endless Frontier. Let me explain.
It’s easy to begin a relationship with Christ and take one step into the Endless Frontier, look around and decide you are now better off than 99% of people, get comfortable, and pitch your tent there. You’ve set some standards for yourself based on biblical principles and cleaned up some of the “worse sins” and are feeling pretty good about yourself. Then maybe down the road there will be a prick by the Holy Spirit and you’ll pull the tent stakes up and take another step or so, get comfortable there, and pitch that tent again.
I don’t want that. I am tired to pitching my tent and pulling it up again. God is challenging me to trust Him. To get so caught up in my pursuit of Him, that I forget about the tent. That I pull up those tent stakes and run toward Him. I am not looking around at the scenery, or getting distracted by the challenges in this wild and unknown expanse, but I am running toward the destination my God has set for me. I will never full arrive this side of heaven. I will never find that perfect place to pitch my tent and I am done searching for it.
God has used godly men and women in my life who have been examples of pioneers into the Endless Frontier who have blazed trails that others have never been on before. I thank God for these people who have been physical, tangible examples of reckless and ruthless trust in their Savior and Lord.
Now, God is saying that it’s my turn. Am I ready to step out with that kind of faith? Am I ready to embark on a journey that doesn’t make sense to me? The answer is not so simple. I, on my own strength and volition, am not ready. I never will be. But as I have been delving in to this concept God keeps showing me that it’s not about feeling prepared. It’s about God. It’s not about me, what I can learn, what I can accomplish. It’s about loving Christ enough to follow Him and explore all that He has planned out.
Passages for Thought:
- Abraham - In Genesis 12 God calls Abraham to a “land I will show you.” Abraham had no idea where God was taking Him, but he obeyed. I, however, don’t have family to pack up and take on this journey, so it should be a little less intimidating.
- Elijah - 1 Kings 19 is such a full chapter and has definitely impacted my view of what following God looks like. Elijah get physically tired. He was completely ready to give up. He needed to rest, so he complained to God and then fell asleep. God sent an angel, gave him food, let him sleep again, sent the angel again to wake him up, and then gave him more food. This was when God called him to action. God knew Elijah was exhausted, so He fulfilled the physical needs, maybe not in the way Elijah wanted, but it was supernatural. It was loving. It was exactly what Elijah needed to fulfill the purpose God had for Elijah to fulfill at that point in time.
- Elisha - God, later in 1 Kings 19, sends Elijah to Elisha. As exhausted as Elijah was in his mission, God was still going to use him. So Elijah threw his cloak on Elisha as a symbol of passing on his role as a prophet. This is when Elisha did something remarkable. He left his work and asked Elijah if he could go and say goodbye to his family. After getting permission, he not only says goodbye, but he slaughters his 12 oxen, feeds his family, and then burns all his farm equipment. Now, this may sound silly, but it is so symbolic. He’s giving up the life he knew as a farmer and instantly follows. He gets rid of everything that gave him an identity and job there, sacrifices it, and heads out to follow God’s call on his life.
This is the beginning. It may not look important. But God is doing something radical. It’s counter cultural. It’s counter everything I have thought of as safe, practical and logical. It’s against the planning and perfectionist tendencies that I have. It’s transformational. It’s God. He’s at work. I am nothing, but a vessel.
Meant for More
Lately I have been seeing that I am not your average 24-year-old. I am not content with a regular full-time job. I don’t want to drive the nicest car possible. I don’t want to work my way up in some successful company. I don’t want to be my own boss. I don’t want to live in a newer, bigger house. I don’t want to own designer shoes. I don’t want to be famous, or even really recognized for my accomplishments.
I want something far greater and far better. I don’t want what this world has to offer. I am not satisfied with it. I am discontent and actually sickened by the pursuits that so easily entangle this generation (myself included).
I want to be a part of something with eternal value. I was not created for now and for the temporal. I was made to do something different. Not that other jobs people have don’t have value, but it’s not for me.
I don’t get excited about things that I am not passionate about. So why would I live my live unexcited and not passionate? I want to live life to the fullest potential and that means giving all my dreams to God and letting Him run with them. I don’t want the temporal. I want the eternal. I am excited.
Pursuit.
I believe there is something innate in all women. This thing is a desire to be pursued. I think we all want to be desired and followed after. Someone taking an interest in us gives validation, courage, confidence, and a feeling that we are loved.
I know that the greatest way this presents itself is through a romantic pursuit. Each woman wants a man to view her as the object of his affection and pursuit. It’s exciting and flattering. (It’s even better when the woman is interested in that man). Women want to be seen as far better than any of the others things that her man could be pursuing. Not objectified, but elevated above material things and selfish pursuits.
I don’t think that’s the only form it takes though. Lately I have felt like I am the pursuer and I am tired. I am the one that takes care of work. I am the one that asks people how they are. I am the one that sets up “coffee dates” with friends. I am the one that does. I don’t think that all my relationships are one-sided, but I know that people desiring to spend time with me and write notes to me are two of the biggest ways that I feel loved. Lately that has not been the case. I feel like I keep pouring out and I don’t have much more to pour.
But I was reminded that I am pursued. I am loved beyond all measure. I am seen as the object of someone’s affection. I am a child of the King. My Lord loves me more than I can fathom and He waits for me. He pursues my heart and fulfills that longing that I feel. I am the one who ignores Him. I am the one that avoids intimacy with Him. I am acting as though I don’t value the pursuit and that I don’t care how much He loves me.
Why am I so focused on my own pursuits that I push out the one who pursues me?
Longings of the Heart
Lately I have felt this disconnect. It’s like I am grieving the loss of something that I have never had. I deeply desire to be married someday, yet I am content with where I am and being single at the moment.
Day to day I feel fine being simply me. It’s not a huge struggle, but just when I think I’m okay I go to a wedding, or someone says something to “make me feel better about my singleness” when I was really okay to begin with and that statement made me feel like there was something wrong with me.
I don’t understand the complexities of female emotion. I don’t understand the paradox that is my heart. I will never understand the longings mixed with the fears and doubts. For now I feel as though a part of my heart is desiring and going unfulfilled for a reason.
Yesterday I felt as though I would never feel that void filled in the way that I currently want. It stung. Clinging to the unchanging is all I have.
My head knows and my heart longs.
Reflections on Faith
I know in my head that God is faithful. I know that He works things together for good. I know that He has always taken care of me and my family. Yet, time and time again I doubt or worry. I begin to get antsy and want to take things into my own hands. I get agitated and spend time thinking of different ways things could pan out.
Then God does it again. He takes care of situations and works them together for good. He is glorified and I am, once again, grateful. I am humbled by the fact that I say I have faith, but when rubber hits the road, in my heart I don’t know if I believe 100%.
Faith is something that I struggle with and always have. Not that I don’t believe, but when things get hard I want things my own way. I think I am finally at a place where faith is getting just a little easier. I am blessed, and I know that God’s faithfulness is beyond what I know.
“Faith isn’t faith until it’s all you’re holding on to…”
Encouragement
Lately I’ve been pondering encouragement. It may seem like a simple concept. However, I have been in the process of finding out it’s not all cut and dry. Words are powerful. Positive or negative; words hold immense power.
Webster defines encouraging as, “giving hope or promise” other sources define is as “instilling another with courage.”
If someone is naturally good at saying encouraging things or has the gift of encouragement that doesn’t necessarily mean that everything said will be encouraging. Nor does it mean that all people will feel encouraged by what is said. What is getting me most about this is that people may take these words as flattery, flirting, or even just sarcasm.
Words are powerful. Encouragement cannot serve it’s purpose if it’s not founded on truth. Giving hope or promise that is not true is destructive. Giving people courage when there is no hope of success is setting someone up for failure. Encouragement is uplifting and constructive, so if used incorrectly will have greater negative effect than 100 positive encouragements could have. If not based on truth and trust then it’s power is certainly disparaging.
It’s sobering to think that most people have been given the power of speech. It’s a great responsibility to use words wisely and to instill something meaningful into another person’s life. Why is it so easy for us to go around saying things without thinking of the ramifications of our words in others’ lives. Words are not meant just for our entertainment.
Words that may seem trite and meaningless to one person are needed words or affirmation in another’s life. A seemingly trival remark could devestate someone’s spirit and may never be forgotten, or lift that person and give them something to hope for. It’s disgusting how much is said each day and what’s more vile is how little those words are thought about before they are said.
How can we be people who use words to envoke greatness is each other? How can words be thought through and used purposely to build up one another? What steps need to be taken for people to understand truth and it’s power when spoken into others’ lives?
How can I be more careful with what I say? How can I speak humbly, think more, and treasure wisdom?
My Heart…
Lately I have just felt like I’m in a constant battle to control my emotions and attitudes. It’s so easy for me to be fine and let one little thing completely change my mood and my perspective. I hate that I don’t feel like myself and that I constantly have to fight to hole myself in check.
I have let these things go for too long. I am done with jealousy. I am cutting out self-pity. I am destroying perfectionism. I am kicking comparison in the face. I am pushing out guilt. I am throwing away worry. I am sick of selfishness.
There’s nothing left. My heart is bare and empty now. This is what it’s been filled with.
Now it’s time to fill it again.
Hard Days
I know that life is constant battle. Emotions are deceptive. My flesh is weak. My body is tired. My soul is in turmoil.
My heart is burdened for my family, for the people I work with, for people around me that I know are struggling. Why do I take on the sorrows and burdens of those around me? I know that compassion and empathy are admirable qualities, but sometimes I become exhausted by the constant strain of deep, profound, soul shattering emotion that I feel on behalf of others.
I know that my heart would not be as troubled by the little things that seem so agitating and (I regret to admit it) hurtful, if I wasn’t taking on so much of the world’s problems. God tells us to, “cast our anxieties on Him…” and oftentimes I don’t think I have to strength to cast anything. Sometimes those anxieties are so intensely encompassing me that it’s a battle just to leash myself from their severe grip.
It’s good to remember that God gives strength to the weary and the ability to rejoice despite the difficulties of this life. It’s humbling to know that my problems are not the greatest on this earth, yet I live as if they are. It’s sobering to think that I in essence turn myself into an idol when I live that way. Yet, God remains faithful. Steadfast. Unchanging. Merciful. Forgiving. Gentle.
